You get a notification that you have a direct message, a DM. You have posted something on your social media that spoke to someone and they decided to be dope and send you a message. A message telling you how your post inspired/touched/moved/excited them. That’s awesome! I LOVE that type of DM! I love when someone is giving me props on my page, letting me know that they are enjoying my content. Love it!
There is another type of DM, however, that confuses me to no end. This DM mystifies and has me asking my girlfriends if I’m missing something. This is the DM that begins with a hi/hello/hey/hi there beautiful/waving emoji and three lines of conversation later, the other person is wanting to be in some sort of relationship. Wait. What?
The message will go a little some thing like this:
Person: Hi! Love your page!
Me: Thanks so much and thanks for checking out my page!
Person: No problem beautiful! Can I get to know you?
Person: I really want to get to know you.
Me: Feel free to message anytime, I check my messages as I have the time!
Person: I want to get to know you. Let me have your phone number.
Person: Do you want to be with me?
Me: I don’t share my phone number. I’m always down to make new friends.
Person: Yeah, I definitely have to be friends with someone before I can be anything else with them. A solid friendship is necessary.
Person: You are so sexy. Do you want to be with me?
And on it goes. These are all lines from various conversations that have been DM’d to me on my various social media sites from several different men. Please know that I know that I am aware that some of my content is super sexy and will illicit a response in that lane. Got it. What I am confused and baffled with is the guy who wants to have some type of relationship after checking out my content, saying hello and getting a response from me. Do folks use Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr as dating sites?? Is that what were doing now?
The last guy who let me know that he wanted to ‘get to know me’ and wanted to make a connection with me first followed my page, sent me two DM’s and when I didn’t reply, unfollowed my page. So, because I wouldn’t engage in conversation, he was no longer interested in following my page. Sooooooooo you can only enjoy my page if I talk to you???? He then proceeded to post on one of my posts, advising me to check my DM’s. So, I check my DM’s. There must be something uber important that this guy needs to say in the comfort and privacy of the DM’s, right???
I check and its a beautifully, simple ‘hi’. Hi is unthreatening. Its just a hi. So throw a hi back of course and thank him for checking out my page. Cool! Immediately he wants to text. The conversation continues on with me telling him that I don’t share my phone number. He tells me I should follow his page (he doesn’t know that I know that he has followed then unfollowed my page). I say sure and let him know that he should follow my page as well (follow for follow!). Long conversation short, he says that he wants to be friends but doesn’t engage in friend conversation. He said that hes interested in friendship and bonding and then we can become something more.
What I don’t understand is how you can plan to bond with someone? Because you like the content of my pictures that means we should bond? Just like that? Because you enjoy the curves of my body then we are instantly long lost friends and I should instantly be bonded with you after 46 seconds of online chit chat??
Bonding, for me, takes time and energy. Bonding, for me, is getting to know someone. Bonding, for me, is something that happens organically. I have never decided that today is the day that I will bond with Mr X. I build friendships with people. Very few of those friendships have resulted in a more than friends relationship. Its not just bonding but also chemistry. A person can look yummy in a picture but then you meet them and there isn’t any chemistry. If there isn’t chemistry then that’s an instant friend zone for me, its a non-starter.
At the end of the day, I just wish folks with chill out in the DM’s. Just give a hello without expecting me want to share my life with you. Give a hello without me having to sit and baby you all day. I’ve noticed this with dating apps too (I’ll save those shenanigans and why I’ve taken a timeout on those for another post). I wish folks would just stop pretending to wanting to be friends when all they want is to see you naked. If that’s what you want, cool. Say it up front and I’ll skip your message and neither one of us has invested any time. I love making new friends. I’m a cool girl. If you want to be my friend then do that, just be real about it.
Just chill in the DM’s.